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There's so much expectation on everyone during the holidays; to spend money, eat food, make food, drink, be festive, be jolly, be happy, want to be happy, and so on. Being such a chaotic time of year, it's no surprise that people get anxious before, during, and after the holidays. Keeping a gratitude journal helps keep me grounded, especially during the holidays.
I was raised in a family that took holiday celebrations to a stratospheric level. We started listening to seasonal music in August. We had Christmas trees in almost every room of our house. We hosted multiple events—from Secret Santa exchanges with my parents' friends to cookie decorating parties with my aunts and cousins to the traditional feast with all of our exuberant Italian relatives. In this whirlwind of festivities, my mom turned entertaining into an art form, and her energy was infectious. But now that I am an adult, celebrating the holiday season on my own terms feels essential in order to prioritize my eating disorder recovery.
Goodbyes are never easy, but as Winnie the Pooh would say: How lucky I am to make saying goodbye so hard. HealthyPlace came to me when I needed something to be hopeful for in my life. Although I was wrapping up undergrad and gearing up to start a new job, the Surviving Mental Health Stigma blog provided a fulfillment that nothing else could. I am eternally grateful to all of you for playing a role in my healing and giving me true purpose. Although I will no longer be writing for HealthyPlace, I will never stop fighting for mental health awareness and mitigating stigma.
If your verbally abusive past includes positive memories with your abuser, you aren't alone. Unfortunately, many verbal abuse victims can recollect happy times, which may create guilt or confusion as they work through their healing journey.
Ever since I started my part-time job at an art supply store in August, I've noticed a boost in my mental health. I love working at the store -- it's a good fit for my personality, strengths, and interests. I'm an art school graduate who spent several years unhappy in the corporate world. It's a breath of fresh air to be amongst fellow artists again, finally. I now realize how good it is for my mental health to be happy at work.
I've learned that placing high expectations on myself has resulted in perfectionist standards that have caused anxiety. Throughout my life, I grew up with high expectations that I later on learned would contribute to my anxiety levels. Being more aware of this has helped me focus on how I can reduce the anxiety I feel because of these high standards.
In the time I've spent recovering from binge eating disorder and disordered eating, I've learned how to start over in recovery. I've probably had to "start over" in binge eating recovery 1000 times. Starting over so many times has taught me how to forgive myself and look at myself with eyes of understanding.
Christmas is a wonderful time of year. Even if you're not especially religious, the holiday season offers people a chance to reconnect with family and friends in an atmosphere of merriment and good cheer. However, for those with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Christmas can pose problems.
If you've ever wondered, "Why do I hurt myself when I'm anxious?" know that you are not alone. Public perception tends to associate self-harm with depression, but anxiety can be a major factor, too.
Speaking up against abuse can be especially difficult for anyone who has been a victim of repeated verbal abuse. Although I find it easy to be the voice for others when I see an abusive situation, it's entirely different for me. I have often faced circumstances when I knew I should have said something and defended myself but could not find my voice. I still struggle to have the same strength I give to others vulnerable to abuse. 

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Paula
I have a lifetime of trauma and BPD and depression & anxiety and i can really identify with everything you have said chronic low self esteem and believing i nothing worthwhile to contribute to any conversations in social situations, iv grown up believing i was a bad evil person who doesn’t deserve anything good that life has to offer, even when im with my family i again feel like im an outsider and all the above caused me to isolate for 16 years and this made my situation a million times worse when i came back into society only months ago, im absolutely filled with Paranoia and i dont feel safe around humans unless im with 2 people that i can sort of connect with but its not often this happens and on any given day im that terrible or feel unable to have a conversation with people i can retreat to isolation again which again makes me worse everytime, i feel like i suffer if im out with people and i suffer if i isolate, im just constantly in a state of anxiety and terror and it paralyzes me and makes me brain shut down where i cant even think of a sentence to strike up a conversation with people, it’s absolutely horrendous and all the negative things my head tells me about myself it’s disturbing! I wouldn’t talk to anyone else the way i talk to myself but i just dont know how to stop it its been so ingrained in me for at least 4 decades now and im 45 years old.. i keep hoping one day it will get easier, but my heads such a mess, honestly and im not a bad person, iv just had a lifetime of trauma since i was a little girl that it completely changed me, that I don’t even recognise myself and neither does my family or anyone who knew me, but i might have more serious mental health iv just never been able to get out the house to go to mental health assessments.. but i wish you all luck!
Anonymous
Hi I'm 15 and I have severe anger issues that I can't control. I don't know why I am like this but when I am super mad I like to punch myself in the head repeatedly until I pass out and I sometimes slam my head against the wall. I used to cut but I try not to. I would just take scissors and you know, snip snip. I think this started when I was younger- around 12 years old. I always thought about sh but now I actually do it. I wish I had never started because once you start you can't go back. It's like a one-way road. There is no way you are going back to where you started.
anon
I do not have a BPD diagnosis (or think I should), but I can relate to much of what you're saying. I had a parent who was bipolar and struggled with addiction and who ultimately died when I was in my twenties. My other parent was extremely religious and I was raised in a controlling and punitive environment. I am extremely codependent on my intimate partners but can simultaneously hold others at a distance when I feel overstimulated or just want to be alone. I too am very triggered by perceived abandonment and really struggle to communicate with others because I feel too much too intensely and cannot make others understand it..I don't always understand it. Despite all of this, I feel very triggered by this post?? I have a friend who also struggles in the same ways I do, but I suspect it is much worse for them. I notice they ALWAYS have plans even when they feel burned out because they are terrified of being alone. We used to be very codependent on one another but now I find myself keeping my distance. And sometimes for unrelated reasons, I have to cancel plans. OR I will state upfront that I tentatively agree to the plans but reserve the right to cancel if I don't feel up to it. I don't know if that makes me a bad friend or not; I have been in counseling for years learning how to hold space for both myself and others. And sometimes that looks like cancelling or rescheduling. I know that this is a trigger for my friend- they not so casually mention other "flaky" friends in conversation- but at what point am I supposed to cater to someone else's (sometimes irrational) needs at the expense of my own peace? Why do I have to give you a play by play of my thought process (and maybe a doctor's note) to get out of doing something? What's an acceptable reason to cancel? This friend recently encourages me to just say I don't want to do something (almost aggressively mind you), but when I do, I feel like I get the silent treatment or otherwise passive aggressive responses. And I am constantly hearing stories about this person's disappointment in other friends who cancel or are perceived as flaky. I want to give them space to process their feelings about cancelled plans, but sometimes I feel annoyed and overlooked. Like their pain is more valid or important than my own. I have not had the courage to talk to my friend about this but feel I need to soon or else I will continue to harbor resentment. Anyway, I know there's room for all of us to feel our feelings but it's so hard to navigate right now. I have been a caretaker in one form or another my entire life. I really need to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it. The end!
Mj. Bean
You're definitely not alone. My boyfriend has DID and more often times than not, we dont get throiugh the day without arguing or disagreeing at least once. I'm head over heels in love with "Super Max" which is who he basically is when he reaches this sort of "peak performance" and the "lesser" maxs' are the ones that can get downright insane. One talks like an 8 year old, another one acts like he's around 20 years old. I didn't have any idea he had this until we were 3 months in and i had already fallen hard for him. Most days he's in "annoyed/angry max mode" where he is literally the biggest control freak on the planet. Obsesses over silly things like "spilling" things and such. It can be exhausting but the violent max is the one that, while i rarely see him, he's still the only one i dread and have only seen a handful of times.

My point being, I'm right there with you. I hate the rollercoaster. I just want to live life without being in a state of constant fight or flight mode, only for his character to change and de-escalate and I fall for the person I fell for all over again.
Exhausting is a horrible word. The understatement of all understatements, if you will.

I wish there were better support groups for this kind of mental health condition.
midnightvibes
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It sounds so difficult and I can’t imagine what it must feel like. I know what it’s like to feel like no one in the world cares, that they’re all just caught up in their lives, and I’m so sorry that you’re feeling that way. I would just say stay strong and seek the help you deserve. You deserve to be alive in this world. Even if it feels like you don’t, you 100% do. I don’t know you but I can tell from this post it’s seems like you are resilient and care about others and have some hopes for the future. Stay strong friend, seek help if you are able to, and have hope if you can. I believe in you so much <3