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"Katy Jones" is now a high school student. She might not have made it past the seventh grade, though. It took a watchful teacher and a caring school psychologist to take the action that Katy's family was afraid of: admitting Katy for help when the risk was that "people might think she's crazy."
As I wrote last time, I consider about 95% of the time we spend feeling guilty wasted time. I have suggested that guilt does no one any good and instead of sitting around feeling guilty, we should try to make amends for whatever it is about which we feel guilty. But how does one make amends?
Picture "forever" in bold font--picture it bold and neon-- flashing like those cheap diner signs offering grilled cheese for $2.50 as you drive past on your way to somewhere else. Somewhere important.
I was not recovered when I started writing my personal eating disorders blog, The Spirit Within. In fact, I was in the midst of a serious relapse that wouldn't end until I was forced to take almost three months sick leave from my job at the time—and this wouldn't be my last relapse. In light of recent decisions by several blog servers to revamp their posting policies, I've asked myself what are the responsibilities inherent with eating disorder blogging? Am I—and other eating disorder bloggers—responsible for the potential damage our words might have?
Mental health stigma is a prejudice that turns into discrimination. It’s an ugly, six letter word that can single-handedly dictate how your life will turn out. Stigma can mean the difference between getting that dream job, or remaining unemployed. Between loving a partner, or remaining single. It can also mean the difference between remaining in hiding or coming out of the mental illness closet.
Are you abused because you are you a good wife/husband? A good child? A good employee? What else are you besides "good"? If you don't know, then you could be stuck in your abusive relationship for a very long time. Good wives and husbands go about fulfilling their roles as they believe a "good" person should. But guess what? If you describe yourself as good, then you must keep a counter-balance in sight - you must keep someone around you who provides the bad because good cannot exist without something bad with which to compare itself. This is problematic for both groups of abuse victims: the ones currently entrenched in the abusive relationship and the ones who escaped it. Being good keeps you glued to current bad behavior and causes you to unconsciously seek it after your escape. Why do they stay? Because they're good people. Why did he marry that type of woman? Because he's a good person.
Guilt – noun – a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. And people with a mental illness feel guilt over a lot of things. I hear from people every day who feel guilty about their illness, what they’ve done, what they haven’t done and how their mental illness and their behaviors due to it affect others (Feeling Guilty Because You Have a Mental Illness). But mostly I consider guilt a waste of time in mental illness recovery.
I sincerely hope you have not ever considered this. But you probably have. At some point, in our journey to recovery, we have probably felt like we need to apologize for our behavior.
For decades, mental health professionals have reminded anyone willing to listen that infirmities of the mind are underrepresented in popular culture. They point to a paucity of pithy portrayals in film, literature, television, puppet shows, and motivational seminars. How, they ask, will maladies of irrationality ever shed their stigma, (to say nothing of the cloudy cloaks of ignorance surrounding them), until awareness, like sunlight succeeding a deluge, warms the landscape? A handful of well-known advocacy groups; YABA (Young American Bipolar Association), DABA (Deranged American Benevolent Association), and DEW (West End Dyslexics), have lobbied tenaciously to insinuate mental health awareness into all aspects of our culture, if culture is really the right word. Recently they scored a major hit in that universally feared arbiter of societal acceptability, the SAT.
You walk into the counselor’s office to talk about your depression. Your symptoms include fatigue, poor concentration, decreased libido, moodiness, sleep disturbance, appetite change, nervousness, disorganization, relationship conflict, irritability, poor work performance, withdrawal from others. Yep, your counselor agrees, you have symptoms of depression. The next step should be to figure out WHY you have these symptoms of depression.

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Carol Wilton
I feel that you are very blessed to have such a loving and supportive husband.. I also feel that you may never find someone like him again because relationships are not always about chemistry and sexual fulfilment but more to do with respect and understanding both which I feel that you and him share.He obviously loves you very much and from my own experience of bipolar disorder these qualities are not so easy to find,if not extremely difficult to replace.All I can say is before you decide to leave him and look for a sexually compatible partner I would feel like it would be best to go to see a therapist and explore your life there with the therapist.It’s always good to look at other people’s life and choices to determine who would be best for you. I wish you love, and hope for you in your life. I can’t remember if I said that I also have bipolar and having chemistry between you and any future wife that you would like to have is disruptive to one’s mental health because I had a relationship that had amazing chemistry between him and me but ultimately it became obsessive and at times I was crazy in love with him and other times I really didn’t like him at all because he wasn’t fulfilling my expectations of being in love with me because he found it too difficult to use my bipolar disorder.So I hope you don’t mind if I just say think about this decision that you might make with deep consideration. I truly hope that you can make the best decision for yourself..Sending you love and peace.xx
Mom
Thank goodness we are not alone . I often ask myself why I feel so inadequate after visiting my 39 year old daughter ( 4 year old granddaughter) , why I m sad and relieved to be going home .... walking on eggshells , hoping I m not going to say the wrong thing when all I m trying to do is love them both and share special times . I feel I m kept as arms length and there is no closeness. Sadness and depression and guilt all kick in for a few days , but then I think , get on with it . As long as I see my beautiful granddaughter I m happy .... " I am enough" .... I will always be there when needed .
Iz
This isn’t uncommon… It can be difficult for a borderline to feel individuated or have a strong identity, so they may tend to lock in to a partner, their children, or parents beyond what non-borderlines would. The refusing to speak to you may be to maintain an image as part of wanting to be seen a certain way.
Erin Crowe
I agree in that DiD doesn’t make you violent, but there are people with DID (such as my mom) who can be very violent. Also, the people on blogs and getting help and so forth don’t represent everyone with DID. I’m sure there are many, many violent offenders in prison who have DID. Maybe the DID didn’t cause them to become violent, but their trauma did.
I also have DID. And I know that it is not safe for people or animals to live with me. This is just the facts and it’s devastating. I know that to be ethical and non-harming I have to live alone. To see me, I look kind and sweet. And parts of me are. But not all the parts. I’ve been officially diagnosed and in therapy over two years, and even if we all heal, I don’t think it’s worth the risk that I could hurt or kill somebody. Some risks can be taken, but I don’t think I could say, ‘hey- let’s move in together. By the way I had violent tendencies but I think I have it taken care of. You ok with that?’
Mel
I feel like I’m reading my own reply. Each and every syllable. Wow.