Deciding Where I Want to Live Is Stressing Me Out

June 25, 2022 TJ DeSalvo

As of this writing, I basically live alone. My family is scattered around the country, and though I have a good amount of friends, none live close. For a while, I've been debating whether or not this living situation is healthy or sustainable in the long run but deciding where to live is stressing me out.

This is going to be another one of those posts that doesn't have any easy answers. I've realized that many of my mental health issues are ones that don't have simple fixes and that sometimes, the best I can do is think out loud to at least attempt to get a better understanding of what I need for myself. I hope all who read will allow me the indulgence.

Debating Where I Currently Live

The difficult thing about this situation is, on the surface, I like where I live currently. I love my city, and I live in a great neighborhood in a nice place. Ideally, I wouldn't necessarily want to leave. That's part of what makes this whole thing so painful: the possibility of having to do something I wouldn't want to do otherwise.

I've realized it's very hard when my mental health is not in a good place to be alone. I've discovered I'm the kind of person that will likely need someone to provide comfort and support in those situations -- I'm not afraid to admit that. The problem is, where I am now makes that all but impossible. Friends are not close enough to see them on a regular basis, and even if they were, I would feel guilty about invading their lives with my problems as often as I would likely need to. My family has been that support system for my entire life, but again, they are even farther away.

Deciding Where to Live in the Future

I could, if I wanted, move somewhere closer to where someone in my family is. That brings with it some unique challenges. Not only would I have to leave where I am now (which, remember, is somewhere I like living), but I'd have to move to somewhere that I'm almost totally unfamiliar with, where I will know literally nobody else aside from my family.

Based on where I am now, this isn't something I want to do. But I understand my mental health is the most important thing I need to focus on, so if that's what needs to happen, I'll do it.

I want to try to ensure that this won't happen. I can try to work with my family and my therapist to make where I'm living now feel more comfortable. I don't know if it'll work, but I want to do everything I can to stay before having to do anything else.

What is your advice? Where should I live? Share your thoughts in the comments.

APA Reference
DeSalvo, T. (2022, June 25). Deciding Where I Want to Live Is Stressing Me Out, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 25 from

Author: TJ DeSalvo

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October, 27 2022 at 12:31 pm

I have a similar problem. I moved out to study when I was 19 (I am 34 now) and I have been missing my family horribly ever since. Still, I have always moved to another city, further away, for university, for the job or because I wanted to live abroad. I enjoyed the experience, I made friends everywhere, but I always missed my family and my mental health also deteriorated over the years. Now, I have friends scattered all over the place, but none close to where I live, my family is, literally, on the other side of the country and my anxiety is really bad. I moved to where I live now about two years ago and I like the place, love my flat, the nature is gorgeous. However, thanks to the pandemic I hardly now anyone here. So now I am thinking of moving back closer to home (where I also do not know anyone besides my family). I don't just want to move because of my anxiety, I also feel like I am missing out on most of my sisters and parents live, but I do kinda hope that my mental health will also get better when I see them more often (although I know they do not understand my condition and I cannot rely on them and of course I also don't want to lean on them too heavily and I also want to support them with their stuff). However, I am also scared that when I move I will regret leaving this great place here and my lovely apartment and the fantastic nature. It is a tough choice. However, if there is one thing I have really taken to heart in all my years with anxiety is a (somewhat cliche, but still great quote) from Awolnation: Never let your fear decide your fate.
So, figure out what you want, not your anxiety, and where you want to be.
Good luck

Amanda Lewandoski
June, 28 2022 at 5:06 pm

I encountered this last year. I did end up moving home with my parents because rent was just so unaffordable. It wasn’t my first choice, but I was making myself sick thinking about it. It’s not as bad here as I thought it would be, but I do miss my alone time. I have to keep reminding myself this is only temporary. My advice is to really sit and think about what you need/want. What are you most comfortable with?

June, 29 2022 at 8:28 pm

I'm not quite sure what I really want - that's part of the problem. I think about it a lot but I haven't made much progress. But I don't have to figure anything out immediately. So I'll keep using however much time I need to figure things out.

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