Coming Out - For Gay Teenagers

Many gay men and gay teenagers find themselves in a difficult situation; to tell or not to tell.

There is pain involved in the decision to remain quiet about being gay. Most of all, there's the struggle in accepting yourself. On the other hand, if you decide to tell others, there's the question of being supported and accepted or maybe being rejected by those who mean the most to you.

It is often a shock for parents to find out that their child is homosexual. Whether you are a mother or a father, whether you have a son or a daughter, whether you long suspected something of the kind, or were completely surprised, finding out for sure can be a shock. The same goes for friends.

In this section

I've included a "coming out guide" to help you with your decision. And below are coming out stories from others. Sharing the experience can be very helpful and empowering. Reading the coming out stories can be enlightening and thought-provoking.

Coming Out Stories

The decision on whether or not to come out can be huge. Read these coming out stories from other gay teens. Hopefully you'll get some insight.

Steve:

I told my mom and my sister I was gay when I was 16 years old. I'm from a smaller city in Pennsylvania, and the bigotry there was really horrible at the time. I didn't know anybody else who was gay, and after they heard the news, my mom and sis refused to talk to me for the next six or so months. They would call me names, make fun of me, and try to convince me I wasn't gay. It wasn't until I was 18, and told most of my other friends and relatives, that I realized the love that comes from total acceptance. However, I have never regretted being true to myself. All my other successes in life have come from that most difficult of decisions in my life's journey. It's my proudest moment. I've traveled all over the world: China, Japan, Bolivia, Mexico. I've made wonderful friends, had great relationships, and had a very rich life (I'm 21 and living in Beijing China right now). I know I would not be where I am today if I didn't take that courageous first step and start to fully love myself. I know the pain that comes from having to lie to those you love, the stress that comes from having to pretend to be someone you aren't. Those memories seem so so distant today, but seemed so insurmountable when I was a teenager. I am a great listener and would love to talk to you if you are dealing with gay related problems, if you're feeling sad, need advice, or want to hear how I've gotten to where I am today. I really want to give back to the gay community, to all of us who just want to be who we are, love, and be loved. I look forward to talking with you soon on MSN or through email. I wish you the peace and the love that comes from defying the darkness and embracing the truth. The truth will set us free.

Kacie

My name is Kacie and I am 15 yrs old. It all started when I was 12 yrs old. I started to realize my attraction to girls instead of boys like I was "suppose" to and I fell madly in love with my best friend Tracy. After awhile, I went to my aunt who was gay as well and asked her what to do. She told me not to tell Tracy and that I could just scare her off. Well, I listened to her for about a year but during the summer I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't look her in the eyes and keep hiding this from her. So I called her over my house and I broke down and told her. At first she was shocked but told me nothing could happen between us. but she seemed pretty cool about it. But afterwards, we just kept drifting farther and farther apart. Finally, on my 13th birthday, she called me and told me she couldn't be my friend anymore. (that was my wonderful bday present from her) After that day, she stopped returning my phone calls and emails. It absolutely killed me to lose her like that and I turned to my best friend at the time to pick up the pieces. After about 2 months of becoming real close, we crossed the line from friendship to lovers. She became my first girlfriend. We dated for 3 months. She was my first for just about everything, but after 3 months of being together she called me and told me that she cheated on me with a guy. The guy was freaking 22 yrs old. He later went to jail and she also called to tell me that she was pregnant. She then had the nerve to ask me to stick around for the kid. I lost it. I was 13 years old and she was only 15. There was no way I was taking care of her kid and I told her to take a hike and wished her a good life but it tore me apart to do that. It took everything I had to let go of her. I was still in the closet to all of my family except my aunt and all of my friends so no one knew what I was going through and how much I was really hurting inside and I refused to let them see that. I just couldn't take the pain that I was feeling at the time, so I started to cut myself - but never enough to bleed and then one night I decided that this was it I was done with life. I had nothing to live for. I lost all of my friends when I lost my girlfriend. People were saying things behind my back, rumors were flying around the school about me because of my old friend Tracy and my ex-girlfriend. So I decided August 23, 2003 would be my last day here on this earth. I had it all planned out. I had the note written and everything, but that night I ended up seeing my hero, Terri Clark, in concert instead and that night she made me change my mind about killing myself. She showed me that night that it was okay to be me and that it didn't matter what other people said and she gave me the strength to carry on. Still, to this day, when I have a bad day, I turn to her music to pull me through. I am now completely out to my school and to my family. Some of my family doesn't like it, but I don't really care. I lost most of my friends that I did have but I have made new ones that have stood by me since the day we became friends. I am now in the process of fighting for a Gay Students Association all because one teacher reached out and showed me I wasn't alone and she gave me the strength to fight for what I believed in and she showed me that I could grow up and lead a happy life as a lesbian and she is one of my biggest role models. My gay friends in my school have been helping me to start the GSA but we are sure the fight has just begun and we know this will not be an easy fight to win. We live in a extremely homophobic town as I had to learn the hard way. I am now banned from seeing my best friend because I am gay and I am looked down upon by most parents in my town when I use to be the most loved kid by all parents -- all because I have become the spokesperson for the GSA. But I am happier than I have ever been even though I am picked on, looked down upon, and banned from seeing some of my friends. In my mind, I am at least being myself but being yourself always has some consequences.

Andrew

Comments - Hello, my name is Andrew and I'm 16 years old and a homoseuxal. I came out in the beginning of May of last year. I encourage all of those who are still in the closet to do so, although it may be hard for some. There is really nothing to fear, except rejection from your family or friends. And although that sometimes happens any many cases, it's not always the story. My family and friends still love me for me and accept it. It's who I am. I felt so relieved after coming out and I'm able to be myself. The feeling is amazing. I've also made so many new friends from the experience. Just remember that you're still their child and they'll love you no matter what. And they might not even be that surprised, being that mine weren't since they have always known...it was a little obvious. So be gay and proud! Don't let what people say or think about you effect how you feel about yourself. There is nothing wrong with it, it is who you are. Love knows no gender.

Ali

Comments - it's not hard for me to be open about my bisexuality, because i am fortunate enough to have liberal parents, and amazing friends. But sometimes I have to wonder, are they really taking me seriously? I've noticed that many people assume when a girl says that she is bi, that they seem to think she is only referring to sex, or is not SERIOUSLY "gay". I find that incredibly wrong. Bisexuality is a form of homosexuality, and bisexual's are put through the same ridicule. But the point doesn't seem to get across! I am not a straight girl interested in sleeping with women... I'm not a lesbian interested in sleeping with men... I am a human being, just like any other, and I am bisexual, which to me, means that I don't see gender in a relationship, I see a heart. Bisexuality is not a porn term, it is a love of all human beings. It took me long enough to come to my conclusion, and all I want is for others to hear it.

next: Coming Out and Staying Out
~ all gay is ok! articles
~ all articles on gender