My Obsessively Clean Diary: December, 2000

Quest for Freedom!

~ An insight into OCD ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Dear Diary,
AAAtttiiissshhhooo! Ha, well apart from a rotten cold I'm doing ok-ish. 'Tis the season to be merry and all that. The site's getting some great response and I've had some lovely emails from fellow caring and lovely OCD'ers. We are definitely a caring community!

I'm doing well on the OCD front except for when that voice creeps up on me and whispers uncertainty into my ear. Actually, because of the cold I think my resistance to it isn't as strong as it should be and the floor defiantly still feels dodgy to me. However, my determination is staying strong. As you know, I'm staying at my friends house and it seems like I shall be for a little while... Hubby is at a low point and needs a break from the OCD. He keeps catching colds and is feeling very down at the moment. I guess doing so much for me over the years has taken it's toll on him too, and he feels mentally exhausted, plus I think he's scared of me returning to how I was OCD-wise at home. Now that he's seen what I can live like here he doesn't want that for me. We're seeing each other every week though, and talk everyday.

I'm a person who hates change. I like everything that I know and love to stay constant and the same. Unfortunately, at the moment nothing much in my life feels very familiar to me, and I don't like the feeling very much at all. It seems like on the one hand I'm doing really well and it has to be better to be living in a more normal way instead of hibernating in one room, but on the other hand I can't help feeling a bit lost. I suppose I'm scared too. I've had this illness for so long and everything has been so controlled and ordered in my day to day life, and now it isn't. I've been doing some Christmas shopping, not keen on the crowds though. Oh, and that's another thing - Christmas! Me and Hubby - I'll call him Phil although that's not his real name - well Phil and I absolutely LOVE Christmas. Anyone who knows us would tell you that. Both of us always have. We have our own little traditions and schedule, and because I shall, more than likely, be spending Christmas here (for the reasons I mentioned before) it is going to feel very unfamiliar and strange too! Oh well, never mind.. Enough of my moaning, hee hee.

I hope everyone reading this has a lovely Christmas and an OCD FREE year as much as possible. Eat drink and be merry... hic! Not too merry though, if you're on medication, Ha. Talk to you next month, keep smiling!

Love,

Sani.xx

next: My Obsessively Clean Diary: March, 2001
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