Younger Rapist Terrifies Older Victim Into Silence

"Somebody will come backstage and go, 'You saved me.' And I will have to say, 'Stop right there. You saved yourself.' "
-Tori Amos

I don't really know where to begin or what to say. It's rather scary to talk about, even now, because I feel like it's my fault. I think I will always feel like it is my fault. It began when my boyfriend broke up with me. I was beside myself and angry and very deeply hurt. A few weeks later, he called me not to reconcile but to continue the relationship as "a purely sexual relationship" and I consented to this as a way of keeping him around.

A few months went by like this and then, one night when he came to the house, his friend Greg* was in the car. I didn't question why until after we were on the highway speeding to an unknown destination. I asked where we were going, and that's when they told me I was to have sex with one while performing oral sex on the other. I told them I didn't want to, and when we got to a spot, an abandoned campground in the middle of woods, I was told I didn't have to. Greg went into the car while I had sex with my ex.

Then, while I stood outside in the rain dressing, my ex went into the car to talk to Greg. He came back out and told me that if I didn't want to get left there, I'd let Greg have sex with me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where I was or how to get home from there, and the drive had been at least an hour anyway, and we were a good fifteen minute drive from the nearest telephone, so I had sex with Greg. The next day I told my ex I could never see him again. Greg continued to email me and tell me these lies, and I just let him talk to me while I'd ignore him.

A few weeks later, Greg and his friend Joe invited me to Greg's house for a pool party. I didn't believe them, but I called their good friend, Kristin, who told me it was true. I went over and when I got there, only Kristin, Greg, and Joe were there. As soon as I got into the pool, Kristin left. I went to get out of the pool, but the next thing I knew, Greg and Joe had pulled me far from the ladder, to the other side of the pool, and while Joe held my feet, Greg undid the top of my bathing suit and threw it out of the pool. I screamed and cried, and Joe tried to take off the bottom of my bathing suit, but I had worked my feet free enough to kick him in the jaw.

At this point, Greg carried me around the pool, then out of the pool, inside, up to his room, where I was told I could not leave until I performed oral sex on him. I cried for a half-an-hour while he told me that in the time I'd been crying, I could have performed oral sex on him and walked home. I cried some more until I realized I wasn't leaving until I'd done so, so I performed oral sex on him. Then he kicked me out of his room, so I went back to the pool, put on the top of my bathing suit, and walked home. I got a shower immediately and brushed my teeth.

I knew I couldn't report it to the police because Greg's two years younger than I am --he's 16 and I'm 18, though both he and Joe are a lot bigger and stronger than I am. Also, where I live still abides by the old rule of "if it's not genital-to-genital, it's not really rape" and more than likely, if it got out, they'd both twist it around so that it was consensual and I could end up on statutory rape charges. So, until now, I've told no one what happened to me.

-Anonymous