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I’m Sammi Caramela, and I’m excited to join HealthyPlace as the new author of "Trauma! A PTSD Blog." I’ve lived most of my life in survival mode, but it wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I realized I was suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from early childhood trauma. Learning why I was suffering was crucial to healing from the extreme anxiety and depression I coped with on a regular basis.
Because I grew up with the label "shy" instead of "anxious," there are a lot of things I didn’t realize I do because of anxiety, and no one ever recognized them as anxious behaviors. It took me reading about them somewhere else or hearing someone else say them for the lightbulb to go off about my anxious behaviors.
Two weeks ago, I embarked on a massive life change in sobriety. Moving away from the town where I got sober to begin a new chapter flipped my world upside down. I had to face my fear of change and part ways with the people, places, and things that kept me grounded for three years. My comfort zone was demolished, forcing me to start afresh. 
Fear is an emotion I used to view in a negative light. However, understanding how fear influences my emotional state has helped me to harness its power and use it to my advantage. In certain situations, overcoming fear helps me achieve my goals, contributing to feelings of accomplishment, happiness, and a more vibrant life experience.
I have learned so many important lessons and revelations in the course of my interminable healing from anorexia, but one stands out above the others: I cannot take a day off from eating disorder (ED) recovery. Sometimes I want to, of course. Sometimes I'm convinced that enough time has passed since my life was at risk—or I have enough experience and self-awareness at this point—to ease off the accelerator and simply coast for a while. But I really can't take a day off from ED recovery.
Yesterday, I noticed an eyelash on my finger. I asked my husband Tom if wishing on eyelashes amounted to magical thinking, even though I already knew it did. I just wiped the eyelash away instead of wishing on it. I am trying to stop most forms of magical thinking.
Last time, I wrote about setting goals and using tasks to focus on to help channel my anxiety. But what happens when things get less busy in my life, and it is time to relax? How do I relax when you're anxious?
I live alone with bipolar disorder, and recently, someone asked me how I do it. I have rarely thought about such a thing as we all just work with the life with have, but let's talk about how I survive as a person living alone with bipolar disorder.
How often have you heard people say or imply that suicide is selfish? Well, if you are a netizen like me or have lost a loved one to suicide, I am sure you have been exposed to this line one time too many. Not only is this statement hurtful, but it is also completely untrue. I want to be clear: #suicideisnotselfish.  (Note: This post contains a trigger warning.)
As my school year draws to a close, the notion of letting go is front and center on my mind. May is always a poignant month for a teacher, but this May has been particularly heavy as I prepare to leave the world of education behind and embark on a new career path. I will miss my students dearly and the person I have become under their tutelage, but as we march toward the last day of school, I am more and more ready to let go of who I have been in order to make space for who I will be. 

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It does not matter
I can not do anything for days at a time. Sleep is only relief and I can not sleep enough. Body hurts and have to get out of bed. I suffer from depression, anxiety, apathy, ptsd and ocd. There is no point in anything as I will not take meds, will not go to behavior mod and will only do talk therapy if I do not have to go in person or show my face. Doomed to live miserably
Someonewhocares
My own step daughter is going through this, even to this day. Her Italian father is old fashioned, outdated, old school, he uses her as a punching bag for his many miserable and repetitive failures, his own lack of confidence in himself, he's a coward and a worm, a total loser, it really truly breaks my heart. I've tried many times to talk to her face to face but she runs, she only listens to her mother who she's very close to. I tried to toughen her up and strengthen her weak, very timid and naively trusting character, but she does have many other strong qualities. She does give her piece of mind to some people who deserve it. Last night was the breaking point, she's had enough. She texted her father and told him he's a total miserable loser and to leave her alone for good.
So many times I've told her, stay far away from him, he will tear into you and shit all over you if you dare to go with him anywhere. Sure enough, every time he's alone with her in his car, when they go out as a family with her tow small children he craps on her and abuses her emotionally and mentally.
She always says she knows what to do...but they're just meaningless words. Sad...
JoAnna Johnson
When it comes to anticipating the upcoming activity, especially if I'm in hyperfocus mode and need to shift, I often think about what it is I am about to do (like going home to be with kids from work) I'll think about things that make me feel motivated that I want to do when I get home. My brain shifts to where it is that I'm going and starts pulling all of the tasks/things I enjoy completing to the for front. Then I transition much easier.
Annonomous
Myself and partner both had an embarrassing night. My partner got blind drunk and passed out. I checked on him and he seemed okay. Then I look again at him and he has pulled his penis out in front of everyone and starts peeing while sitting on the couch. I am shocked embarrassed surprised and react like a crazy person. I scream and yell at him for doing that. Today I hate myself for reacting that way in front of all his friends. I’m embarrassed for him and myself.
Surina
I am so sorry sweetheart. It is now your job, responsibility, and duty to get yourself away from him regardless the cost. Go to a shelter out of state if need be. Take photos and create a log and file a restraining order now! Pretend you love yourself more than life, pretend you are your own daughter, son, friend, mom or anyone who you would protect. You MUST love yourself more than the apathy from this situation. My heart bleeds for you. I do understand. Please protect yourself now. He will not stop and this will only get worse until you are in the grave - or worse than that! I’m sending you love from afar and I pray you find the strength to run away. Don’t fight fire with fire, fight back with the hope of your future self. You are worth fighting for! Fight back with the rain and the sand by extinguishing his hate by leaving. You CAN do this! I believe in you. You are not alone. Good luck 🍀 and god speed!