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Like it or not, stress is a part of life. Sadly, too much stress can cause a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) to suffer from psychiatric symptoms. For example, after a death in the family and a close friend moving away (which happened within days of each other), I wrestled with self-harm urges. But there are ways to deal with stress and the BPD symptoms it causes. One such way is looking for humor--either in the situation or from outside sources.
Last week I had the distinct (snicker) pleasure of having to visit my dentist due to an abscess. After a brief consultation I decided to have the tooth extracted. It was at this time that the hygienist recommended a narcotic pain killer. I declined and said I would take Extra Strength Tylenol.
In the midst of a psychotic episode, you succumb to the voices in your head telling you the only way to make things right is to set a fire in the local church (Psychopaths Versus Those Who Experience Psychosis). This way, the demons in your mind will allow you to be free.
Recently, I was in the psychiatric ward of a local hospital. While I was there, a young psychiatrist interviewed me. He asked me "What advice do you have for me regarding treating borderline personality disorder (BPD)?"
I was caught off-guard because nobody ever asked me that. Yet he genuinely wanted my opinion, so I shared it. Then I figured that other psychiatrists might want to know, so here's the advice I have.
When I was thirteen, I survived an illness so rare none of my New York City doctors had ever seen a case. An allergic reaction to a medication brought on a case of Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis Syndrome, which turned me into a full-body burn patient almost overnight. By the time I was released from the hospital, I had lost 100% of my epidermis.
Just to be clear, I’m not the biggest fan of drug companies. I’ve written about how much I dislike them and I’ve written about how wrong it is when they break the law and I’ve written about how ridiculous the penalties are when they do. I understand why people are outraged at companies that produce a healthcare product and then don’t follow the rules designed to protect of the health of the consumers that take it.
But that aside, people seem to be really mad that pharmaceutical companies put profits before people. And my point is, so what?
Erica was going through a huge life transition. After her break-up and the move of her best friend across the country, she was having a hard time. She described her self-esteem as “non-existent” and found it difficult to enjoy her life; even the things she used to find pleasurable and fun. Erica was spending most of her time at work, rather than in her empty house filled with memories of the past.
She was becoming more aware that she needed to do something to get her out of this funk.
As many of you know, I am a devotee of quotations – those bite-sized nuggets of wisdom summarizing great truths of life quickly and with wit.
Some years back, in a cold, dingy room choked to the gills with cigarette smoke, bad coffee, tattoos, and incomprehensible blather uttered badly by battered bikers, businessmen, beauticians and stay at home moms, united in anonymous terror, I first heard this said.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
Later I found that this pearl of wisdom is credited to everybody’s favorite patent clerk, Albert Einstein. However… The more time I spent on the Internet the more I realized that roughly half of all quotes found there are bogus. Some are real but credited to the wrong author; others are totally made up and attributed to a famous, credible person.
Panic attacks suck the reality out of us!
I talked two people down from panic attacks recently and both of them had been worrying that they had lost touch with reality. They felt totally disconnected to the world around them. In talking to them, they were so convincing. I almost believed that this episode was different. But I let go of my own fear for them. (My worry doesn't help anyone.) I quickly assessed that they were not, in fact, psychotic. They were speaking rationally and eloquently.
And I remember from my panicky days how I felt different and disconnected.
I am crazy. I am a fraud. I wanted to understand dissociative identity disorder (DID) because I wanted to understand myself. I didn't like it, though, all this multiple personalities crap that made me feel out of control. So I changed it. I made DID okay. Hard, but okay.
I also have DID. And I know that it is not safe for people or animals to live with me. This is just the facts and it’s devastating. I know that to be ethical and non-harming I have to live alone. To see me, I look kind and sweet. And parts of me are. But not all the parts. I’ve been officially diagnosed and in therapy over two years, and even if we all heal, I don’t think it’s worth the risk that I could hurt or kill somebody. Some risks can be taken, but I don’t think I could say, ‘hey- let’s move in together. By the way I had violent tendencies but I think I have it taken care of. You ok with that?’