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When you are diagnosed with a mental illness, your first reaction is probably fear. Those who love you also might feel fear. After all, mental illness is stigmatized, and certainly not something anyone wants to live with. But we can, and we do. Successfully. Defining Fear
When in recovery from an addiction, feelings and emotions can often be overwhelming. it is common to want to run from feelings, and numb out from tough emotions. In early recovery and sobriety, it is important to learn healthy coping skills and learn how to feel all feelings, process the emotions, and learn from the experience. Here are 5 ways to approach triggering emotions in sobriety.
Yesterday, I arrived at school for my teaching assignment. Before the first bell, three staff members had already offered their assistance and described my class of sixteen 2nd-graders as "awful." On my first day of substitute teaching, I had been handed a room full of manic, unmedicated Bobs.
Today someone struggling with severe clinical depression will hear that they need to snap out of it. A friend, family member, or doctor will tell them that physical exercise or a positive outlook will solve their problem. A stranger will comment, "Smile! It can't be that bad." And in a way, all of those people are right. Physical exercise is a helpful component of depression treatment.
"Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. However, the mice will switch all your street signs." Taz Mopula One lovely, sunny afternoon, a traveling salesman was driving his shiny new Cadillac convertible down a quiet country road. Without warning, he was rudely wrenched away from his predictable, uninteresting thoughts by a flubadubbadub sound indicating his left front tire had gone flat. The fellow pulled to the shoulder, stopped, and surveyed his situation. Beside him, an imposing wrought iron fence stood sentry before a sweeping, well-manicured lawn. At once annoyed and bemused, he observed the lawn to be studded with solitary individuals wearing white jumpsuits, calmly entertaining each other and themselves. His mystification ended when he saw a large sign that read, "Shady Acres Home For The Deranged".
You know how you sometimes have nightmares about monsters? Something like that happens to me. You know how the monsters lie to you? They lie to me, too, and sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I think that if I hurt myself, the monsters will leave me alone. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, but every time I hurt myself things get worse. I go to treatment--usually outside the hospital, but sometimes inside--to make sure the monsters don't win.
I'm not a person who takes on a cause de jour - I simply have too much self-preservation for that. I have enough going on without worrying about the plights of the world. However, when someone tries to spread mistruths and tries to silence my voice, then I start to get peeved. Case in point. Recently, the West Virginia University's school paper, The Daily Athenaeum, printed an article about lifestyle factors and depression. And while I have no problem with that subject, the things they said therein were wrong and inexcusable. And when they tried to silence my criticism of that article, I got peeved. I will not allow the voice of mental illness to be ignored simply because someone doesn't like what we have to say.
My daughter Ali and her new husband Marc were part of the audience at the September book-launch event for Ben Behind His Voices - sitting right next to Ben, I might add. He was a surprise guest that night and nothing could have surprised me more.  I had been concerned about Ben's reactions to the night, especially the excerpts I read out loud. Therefore, we had talked about his feelings the night before and had reached a game plan together regarding his possible emotional reactions. All went well, thank goodness. But, see? Here, once again, I have turned the conversation to Ben's needs. This post is about Ali, his little sister - and for all the siblings whose grief and adjustments too often get the short shrift.
Two weeks. Two weeks ago, Bob's psychiatrist switched up his medication cocktail for bipolar disorder (his ADHD medication remains the same). And...my Bob is back.
Depression. I hate the word. Also, not in my repertoire of lovely words: consistent low mood. melancholy, apathetic, stuck, frightened, darkness, sadness. Lovely words, perhaps a thesaurus would give me two hundred more. But that is not the topic of this blog. Defining Depression Your psychiatrist can define depression, but in a clinical way. The language used cannot describe how a depressed person feels. Instead, person must exhibit specific symptoms: change in sleep patters, appetite, a lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities, isolation, sadness. When I tell my psychiatrist I am depressed she asks me how I feel. Often, if you are experiencing depression, it is hard to articulate your feelings. Sometimes, I tell her I do not know how I feel. I feel sad. I don't think I felt this way a couple months ago. But it's confusing. Working to compare how you felt before you started to feel down.

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Claire
Good heavens, we may have been friends with the same person. I befriended a woman about 3 years ago when we first moved to this new town. At first, I thought she was sophisticated and well-bread, but the incessant complaining, finding fault, nitpicking, promising to appear somewhere and then cancel due to a myriad of issues; headaches, sleeplessness, mood, anxiety, and other issues....Every social media post is cryptic and always a put-down of the food, the area she lives in, and people in general. I finally had it after she said she needed medical insurance as a retiree and wanted a part-time gig with insurance benefits. She gets the interview, then rants that they didn't call her back ASAP to start onboarding. Then she onboards and is eligible for insurance in 30 days. She simply fails to return to the job. No call. No text. No email, nothing. Worst of all, my husband works there and the upper management barbed him on the new hire and her no-show, no call, no communication. I asked her what happened. She states, "Nope. not for me. too many red flags." "I" 'm just going to focus on my dogs and my weight." I wanted to throw my phone across the room, I was so outraged. She literally couldn't care less how this action affected us. We look like a fool for giving her praises to the management team... I have since just stopped liking her posts or commenting. She used to attend our bible study on Wednesdays and claimed to like it. Now, she is no-show completely. I finally just had it. No more communication with her and life is better. I don't often give up on ppl but once I see where they're heading, it's just a no-win for either party. It's been a little over 3-4 weeks now and I feel just plain better to be away from it. No guilt on my end. I tried, but I am not going to drain my life energy for this person.
Taylor
I am 35yr old and have adhd. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 29. I have very poor sense of direction when driving and even when I have taken the same path to and from home several times. I can't go anywhere without my GPS. I even have great difficulties finding my car when I'm done at the shopping center. It seems to be connected to my adhd struggles.
Paula
I have a lifetime of trauma and BPD and depression & anxiety and i can really identify with everything you have said chronic low self esteem and believing i nothing worthwhile to contribute to any conversations in social situations, iv grown up believing i was a bad evil person who doesn’t deserve anything good that life has to offer, even when im with my family i again feel like im an outsider and all the above caused me to isolate for 16 years and this made my situation a million times worse when i came back into society only months ago, im absolutely filled with Paranoia and i dont feel safe around humans unless im with 2 people that i can sort of connect with but its not often this happens and on any given day im that terrible or feel unable to have a conversation with people i can retreat to isolation again which again makes me worse everytime, i feel like i suffer if im out with people and i suffer if i isolate, im just constantly in a state of anxiety and terror and it paralyzes me and makes me brain shut down where i cant even think of a sentence to strike up a conversation with people, it’s absolutely horrendous and all the negative things my head tells me about myself it’s disturbing! I wouldn’t talk to anyone else the way i talk to myself but i just dont know how to stop it its been so ingrained in me for at least 4 decades now and im 45 years old.. i keep hoping one day it will get easier, but my heads such a mess, honestly and im not a bad person, iv just had a lifetime of trauma since i was a little girl that it completely changed me, that I don’t even recognise myself and neither does my family or anyone who knew me, but i might have more serious mental health iv just never been able to get out the house to go to mental health assessments.. but i wish you all luck!
Anonymous
Hi I'm 15 and I have severe anger issues that I can't control. I don't know why I am like this but when I am super mad I like to punch myself in the head repeatedly until I pass out and I sometimes slam my head against the wall. I used to cut but I try not to. I would just take scissors and you know, snip snip. I think this started when I was younger- around 12 years old. I always thought about sh but now I actually do it. I wish I had never started because once you start you can't go back. It's like a one-way road. There is no way you are going back to where you started.
anon
I do not have a BPD diagnosis (or think I should), but I can relate to much of what you're saying. I had a parent who was bipolar and struggled with addiction and who ultimately died when I was in my twenties. My other parent was extremely religious and I was raised in a controlling and punitive environment. I am extremely codependent on my intimate partners but can simultaneously hold others at a distance when I feel overstimulated or just want to be alone. I too am very triggered by perceived abandonment and really struggle to communicate with others because I feel too much too intensely and cannot make others understand it..I don't always understand it. Despite all of this, I feel very triggered by this post?? I have a friend who also struggles in the same ways I do, but I suspect it is much worse for them. I notice they ALWAYS have plans even when they feel burned out because they are terrified of being alone. We used to be very codependent on one another but now I find myself keeping my distance. And sometimes for unrelated reasons, I have to cancel plans. OR I will state upfront that I tentatively agree to the plans but reserve the right to cancel if I don't feel up to it. I don't know if that makes me a bad friend or not; I have been in counseling for years learning how to hold space for both myself and others. And sometimes that looks like cancelling or rescheduling. I know that this is a trigger for my friend- they not so casually mention other "flaky" friends in conversation- but at what point am I supposed to cater to someone else's (sometimes irrational) needs at the expense of my own peace? Why do I have to give you a play by play of my thought process (and maybe a doctor's note) to get out of doing something? What's an acceptable reason to cancel? This friend recently encourages me to just say I don't want to do something (almost aggressively mind you), but when I do, I feel like I get the silent treatment or otherwise passive aggressive responses. And I am constantly hearing stories about this person's disappointment in other friends who cancel or are perceived as flaky. I want to give them space to process their feelings about cancelled plans, but sometimes I feel annoyed and overlooked. Like their pain is more valid or important than my own. I have not had the courage to talk to my friend about this but feel I need to soon or else I will continue to harbor resentment. Anyway, I know there's room for all of us to feel our feelings but it's so hard to navigate right now. I have been a caretaker in one form or another my entire life. I really need to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it. The end!