Being Honest on Dating Apps About My Mental Illness

Deciding What to Disclose About My Mental Illness on a Dating App

I've been on and off dating apps for many years. I joined a few of them again recently, and I've been struggling to decide how much to share about myself and my mental health, both on my profiles and in the messages I send.

I want to be honest with potential partners about who I am and what I'm looking for, but there are many things that I feel nervous about disclosing, including the following:

• I have large gaps in my dating history, partly as a result of my ongoing mental and emotional instability.
• I haven't been in a serious relationship in 10 years. (I did have a boyfriend who was the tender young age of 22 in 2017, but that was short-lived and was mostly sex dressed up as a relationship.)
• In all of my 44 years, I've only had two romantic relationships that lasted longer than a year.

What would a young man I'm chatting with think if he knew these things about me (aside from recognizing that I'm clearly a cougar)? I suppose it depends on what he's looking for.

Someone looking for a serious relationship might be reluctant to take a chance on a person with a terrible track record in terms of the length and number of that person's past relationships. They might assume that person isn't able to commit to a relationship and isn't able to function well within one. It would be reasonable to say that I am one such person.

Looking at my past, there's every reason to believe that I'm not able to make a long-term commitment. There's also evidence to support my belief that I simply don't know how to function in romantic relationships.

What to Say on a Dating App About Mental Illness

Maybe the best way for me to tell someone on a dating app about my mental illness and dating history is to reframe them for myself first. Then, when I decide to share details about these things, I'll be able to provide some context at the same time:

• I have gone long periods without dating, but that has taught me to be independent and enjoy my own company.
• While I haven't had a serious relationship in recent years, I have dated casually, and there's nothing wrong with that. I enjoyed it, and it allowed me to have some companionship and intimacy while keeping a lot of time and space for myself.
• Just because I've only had two serious romantic relationships doesn't mean I'll never have a third. That's something I want, and I'm taking steps to find, or at least make room for, in my life, for when it finds me.

I may have more mental health challenges than some people, but I'm resilient and proud of everything I've achieved. I may struggle to accept many things about myself, but I know I'm more than the sum of my weaknesses and shortcomings. I need to remember that if someone finds out about my mental illness and decides to reject me, they aren't someone I'd want in my life anyway.