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I’ve heard from others that they think their bipolar disorder is a blessing. I once scoffed at them. How could being bipolar be a blessing? One has to be constantly on the warpath to make sure that bipolar disorder doesn’t nip one in the bud. But I have to say that I’m rethinking my original idea. Being bipolar has led me on a spectacular journey. I've learned that I am not perfect, nor was I ever perfect before the bipolar diagnosis. I’ve learned that bipolar is not the essence of myself and it no longer controls me. Me and bipolar--we've come a long way together.
Many books I find helpful in dealing with eating disorders aren't about eating disorders. Watch this video for ideas on literature that helps with eating disorders even though it doesn't intend to do it.
Yesterday was a really beautiful warm spring day where I live. Two days ago, it was snowing! So I really took advantage of the sun and warmth and spent some time outdoors. I went to my local Lowe's and drooled over the plants and flowers that are finally out for sale. The vegetables and early perennials and annuals were calling to me.
Over the past several years, I have found a real love of gardening because the warmth of the sun and the smell of the grass and flowers brings me peace. There is also such a sense of satisfaction to watch something grow from a tiny seed to a full plant that you can admire or even harvest and eat.
If you are like me then you collect projects like Rachel Ray collects recipes. Unlike Rachel Ray, however, I used to try to do all my projects at the same time—a veritable smorgasbord of delights with no main theme to my life. Then I figured something out: I wasn't a very good chef.
Do you ever have those dreams where you run and run and you never get anywhere? I used to have those dreams all the time before I started this quest to bipolar recovery. I felt lost. Like I would never get anywhere. And then I began to follow my own advice to those who had asked for it. I began to believe. I believed that what I wanted wasn’t unattainable. This time I ran and smack in the middle of my dream I stopped and smiled. I’m following the road to bipolar recovery and stability and it’s a wonderful thing!
Horror films don't come close to raising blood pressure like the prospect of mealtime for a parent of an eating disorder patient. Forget the knives and chain saws: the sight of a fork and spoon can be send the pulse racing. There is hope, however, in having a plan.
No process better defines the "Oooh, shiny!" moment more than the ADHD tendency to stop one project to begin another at the drop of a hat. This week I want to talk about a similar tendency: collecting projects like shelves collect dust.
Last week when I found out I was pregnant, I stopped taking my daily 100 mg of Sertraline (the generic brand of Zoloft) cold turkey. Since then I have been worrying what kind of side effects I may experience. It's hard for me to know if what I am feeling are side effects or simply normal yuckiness of the first trimester.
Can you have one without the other? Of course, you could have insomnia by itself, but insomnia and bipolar disorder are best buds. Best buds that drive me up the wall! I would kill for one whole night of 'I can't wait to get up in the morning and live life' sleep. Bipolar gods, are you listening?! Well, in case they're not, I'm off to a sleep specialist to discuss the twixt that is bipolar and insomnia.
Half asleep on Easter morning, I was drifting in my mind through the classic picture book, The Runaway Bunny.
It's appropriate for Easter and for eating disorders. This story of persistent and firm parenting despite spirited attempts at independence from a child was meaningful when I read it to my young children, but means far more to me now as I watch countless families negotiate parenting during eating disorder recovery.
I'm looking for information for my sponsee. She and I are in OA. She is not a newbie but she is struggling how to manage bipolar with a 12-step program.
Can we chat?
but i do have some things i want to bring up
>people looking for "sourcemates" never really made sense to us, but we got manipulated into it anyway and all it ensued was gaslighting, brainwashing, and grooming. it has put us in abusive relationships many times until we put our foot down about it. though, i have seen people use "sourcecalling" as "hey we have the same source we got introjected from lol" and not "I SHARE MEMORIES FROM ANOTHER WORLD WITH YOU", so im glad that's dying down a bit.
however, this doesnt change the fact that some of us fictives can have these fake memories, especially after splitting since that disorients us/the alter, it is just important not to fuel them, as that would be delusion, and it has hurt us many times.
it is important to steer away from these beliefs, but also know some of those people could be being manipulated right now by fakers (like how we were manipulated ie) etc.
>"endogenic" is completely made up and scientifically impossible. endos claim they do not need any trauma at all to form did/osdd, this is far from true. i dont think you need me to tell you that though, it's just for people scrolling by mostly.
>a lot of people try to loop tulpamancy into did, which is harmful for both the disorder and the spiritual practice. a lot of people call themself "tulpagenic" system, meaning they think they just manifested their system willfully. this is, like endogenic, scientifically impossible, and tulpamancy has nothing to do with a dissociation disorder at all.
>i also disagree with people posting about their "system", ESPECIALLY on tiktok, like its some show or diary for them. not only is it extremely harmful for that system if they happened to be a real system making a bad decision - but if the person is faking being a system, then now they are spreading false info on did, which is why us as a real system get slurred and screamed at by people we called "friends" anytime we tell them after knowing them for a year or so. it is messed up and i agree with the disdain for tiktok.
>for us, some of our fictives formed off of recent medias we have seen before having a traumatic or dissociative experience. our brain i guess picks up stuff like that and thinks whatever qualities the fictional character had would be helpful to us and put it in an empty shell and formed that alter, which has always confused us and made us get scared of faking despite or diagnosis process. ive met confirmed diagnosed systems who also have this experience. none of us picks what the fictive is based on or when they form, the brain is a mystery. ive also come to conclusions autistic systems have higher chances of having more fictives/general introjects than non-introject alters.
>anyone who claims they "recently became a system" might be confused on their wording or how it works, or they might really just be faking. some people are newly discovered, which is VERY VERY VERY normal for us with DID. we usually wont notice it until we are older or something very drastic happens (being hospitalized because of a persecutor ie.) for us, we began to notice weird things more in 2018, then found out about it in 2020. which was awful. when you finally figure out what could be wrong, and then get medically recognized or a diagnosis, its both hell internally and socially, and this usually happens when you are a child/preteen/teen, which makes it even harder and people make a lot of bad and unhealthy mistakes with how to cope (like getting manipulated or being waayyy too open about it/using tiktok like a diary.)
>for alters "already knowing the ropes of the system", this has always made us very distrusting of other people, but there are many factors as to why that can possibly happen, or just at least to a short degree.
-they might be an osdd-1b system, meaning they have little to no amnesia, or just emotional amnesia.
-when they split, another alter or that system's friend already explained everything to them internally/privately, so of course you wouldnt see that.
-alters split from each other, so that can leave to those two alters having a lot of similarities, along with a few key memories that alter may have as an instinct in order to survive or function.
what ive found is its best to not fakeclaim a system based on a few things you know about them because of how different each system is. they could be a did system, an osdd-1a system, or a osdd-1b system - so if you were one of the three, you wouldnt be able to really understand the other two. many systems can also have different traumas, experiences, coping mechanisms, and their medical history (other disorders the body has, if they have a therapist or not, what theyve done to cope with did/osdd, etc.)
the only time i ever fakeclaim someone on this is if they are spewing factually proven incorrect statements as true, and maybe even putting ACTUAL true statements down, but i find it's best not to interact with fakers, as they are usually just baiting and they will never change their mind for you. it's best to just research correctly, (did-research.org is a good source.), and make sure you spread the correct info and tell people to watch out for endos/myths. though, i have seen cases where "endos" were manipulated into thinking they were endo (by someone giving them the wrong definition, usually being "endo means u dont remember trauma!" [ which is incorrect, that is still traumagenic.]) or they are in denial of their trauma. it's best not to assume, and arguing with endos is draining, so as i said, its better to educate generally than to argue directly.
this was long, but i hope any of this helps.
As a fictive, yes, we KNOW we arent the character. we are fully aware of that. while i do agree i and most others in our system HEAVILY dislike the "sourcecall" "sharing memories" stuff, as it never made sense to us, and even then when we blindly followed it somewhat, it was used to abuse us. so you are correct about that and i hope other systems who are newly diagnosed/process of diagnosis do not fall into the rabbit hole we did, but i should make it clear to you that most of us fictives DO experience these fake memories, especially when a fictive newly splits, a split in general leaves the alters and system disoriented and confused. a lot of DID communities online fueled our "psuedo memories" and it only harmed us.
fictives DO experience these fake memories, having them doesn't invalidate the existence. you just need to not fuel these "memories" because it can be harmful for that alter to the whole system. sorry that this was long, but a lot of your comments were borderline fakeclaiming fictives, which are proven to be real. yes, some fictives can be convinced they ARE the character, but it's them and their system's responsibility to alert them of the truth, instead of the entire concept of our (fictives) existence being claimed to be fake.